A Lifetime of Listening: Understanding My Gift Later in Life

Since childhood, strangers have poured their hearts out to me. For years I didn’t understand why—until later in life, when I finally recognized the gift behind it. 

I’ve shared before that, since childhood, strangers would come to me—not just to be touched, but to pour their hearts out. I often wondered, why me? Why does everyone share such personal things with me? I was just a kid. Then a teenager. Then an adult, dealing with my own “adulting” challenges. So why? 

First, my parents would say over and over again, “You have a gift—the gift of being friendly and approachable. You smile at everyone genuinely.” I’d respond to them, “But some of the things people tell me are crazy. I don’t know what to do.” Often, I’d just smile a little more, place my hand on them, and say, “I’m sorry” or “That wasn’t nice of them.” My parents would smile knowingly and say, “You are a safe place for people. We understand—it happens to us too.” 

In my head I would be thinking, I’m a kid, what am I supposed to do with this? or Goodness, go tell someone else who cares. Yet, I always smiled, made that small touch, and offered comfort. Unknowingly, I associated my hand with comfort and acknowledgment. 

As I got older, I came across a term that resonated with me: Empath. A person who is highly attuned to the energies and emotions of those around them, often feeling them as if they were their own. 

Here’s a more detailed explanation (thank you, Google): 

While empathy is the ability to understand another person’s feelings, an empath takes this a step further by actually feeling those emotions. 

Heightened Sensitivity: Empaths have a heightened ability to perceive and understand the emotions of others. 

Emotional Absorption: They don’t just understand emotions; they can feel them intensely, sometimes even physically. 

When I was getting ready to go to college, I told my parents I was going to study either Accounting or Social Work. I had a great accounting teacher who made me love the subject. And Social Work? Well, I had been helping people my whole life—maybe I could get paid to do it. 

My parents quickly shut both ideas down. If they had to choose one, they said Accounting. To be more accurate, my father actually said, “I’m not paying for your college degree for you to come out and never make any money. As for Accounting, they knew I didn’t have the personality to be happy in that career—I’m far too social. 

Then, as my senior year of high school was ending, I thought counseling. I should become a therapist. So, I announced to my parents that was my plan. I remember vividly what happened next: they exchanged looks and, at the same time, said, “Nope. Try again.” 

I thought, huh, no wait this is perfect? 

Before I could respond, they added, “You are too sensitive of a child, and this would be harmful for you.” 

I didn’t understand and asked a lot of questions. “Again, I’ve been helping people my whole life—why not get paid for it?” They explained, “You don’t understand. You absorb what people say and take it on as though it’s happening to you. You want to fix it for them, but in reality, you’re the one doing the work—not them.” 

Kind of understanding what they meant, I argued, “But I’m sure they will teach us how to separate ourselves from patients.” 

Still, being the good daughter I was, I did what they said. I didn’t go for it. Instead, I went into Communications: Interpersonal and Public. 

You know it's funny, well not so funny but I can laugh at it now, I did know then what I was supposed to be doing, but I didn’t fight back. To be honest I wasn’t the kid to fight back in general, I was the kid who did what was told, was on time and followed the rules.  I had siblings that took pushed back at every turn and I knew how it made my parents feel and I didn’t want to make them feel like that, I also didn’t want to be yelled at.  

Looking back, I could choose to see wasted time—the people I could have helped but didn’t, because I didn’t pursue that field. Or, I could focus on all the people I did help along the way. For me, it’s about discovering your gift later in life and honoring the path it creates.